TV test

Overheard at the doctor's office: "I'm just here to check the results of my TV test."

I'm sure she really said TB test, but wouldn't it be great if there really were a TV test?

"Your total TV is 283, which is much too high. We'd like to keep your total TV at 200 or below. Your ETV (good TV) level is 49, which is in the normal range. But it wouldn't hurt to increase your documentary consumption. Your TTV (bad TV), at 191, is much too high. You should cut back on soap operas, sitcoms, and reality shows. And get more exercise."

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ETV = educational TV = "good TV"
TTV = trash TV = "bad TV"